STREAM OF PRAYERFULNESS

 

 

What is prayer? How does one pray? We pen the mahzor, the special prayer book of the High Holidays, we recite the words on the page, and that is prayer.

Is it?

This year, with services abbreviated generously due to our concern with people sitting together for too long a period of time, our moments of prayer must be more efficient, more productive, more moving than ever before. The thoughts the words on the page generate are as much the prayer as the words on the page themselves. Perhaps even more so. I don’t mean the automatic thoughts that pop into our heads like—O my God, Sylvia finally bought a new dress, but more of the thoughts that the prayer itself generates. Let me take you on a journey though a prayer as its words generate other thoughts. The prayer below is a mere snippet from the Unetane Tokef prayer. The bold print are the words on the page.  The regular print are the thoughts those words sometime generate in my brain which become part of the prayer:

Vekhol ba-ay olam / And all those who have come into this world

I am one of those who have come into this world, How did that happen? It’s a miracle. If I am a miracle then everyone around me is a miracle. How many miracles are there in this room—500, 600…? Did God specifically want me to come into this world at this time…?

ya’avrun lefanekha kiveni maron / pass before You like sheep.

Like sheep? I like sheep (baa-aaa-aaa) but I don’t think I pass before God like a sheep. Or maybe I do pass before God like a sheep? Is it that God sees me as cute, like a sheep? Oh yes, I’m as cure as Telly Savalas. Maybe the idea is “gutlessness.” Am I gutless. Like a sheep? Maybe. I’m diplomatic? What does that mean? Do  I lie? No. I don’t lie. I try not to lie. Maybe I lack courage… Maybe I am gutless?

Kvakrat ro’eh edro / As a shepherd’s searching gaze meets his flock

God is looking at me? Wait…at me? No…at all of us. God looks at us. Why? Because God is fascinated by us? Are we fascinating? God is the shepherd so God cares about us. Yes, God cares. God looks at us in a caring way. Sure. Wait—all 600 of us? Or 600,000 of us? Yes. God is God and can look at all of us. God is that which can look at all people on earth, all 8 billion of us caringly. New definition of God: that which can look at 8 billion people simultaneously in a caring way. But what if ours is only one universe among many…?

ma’avir tzono tahat shivto / passing every sheep beneath his rod

Sheep again. Gutlessness. What’s with the rod? God needs a rod? God is a shepherd and shepherd’s carry rods. Does God own a dog too? Shepherds have dogs. And play the pipe now and then. Thought: God is lying on a cloud playing the pipe. Contrasting thought: God isn’t lying on a cloud playing the pipe because God is too focused looking at us caringly. Right. Lose the pipe. Lose the cloud. Lose the dog. Wait—keep the dog. God looks lovingly on all living things. Dogs too.

ken ta’avir/ so You too pass Yours [i.e., God’s]

Yours. Who is Yours? I am Yours. We are all Yours. Everything is Yours. Covid-19 is Yours? Is Covid-19 Yours or ours? I’m glad that I am Yours. I’m not glad Covid-19 is Yours. Am I, are we, and Covid-19 in the same category as Yours? No, because God does not gaze caringly, lovingly, at Covid-19. God is weeping over those who have lost their lives to Covid-19. God is a weeping shepherd. Do I believe in a God who is a weeping shepherd? I don’t have to answer all these questions.

v’tispor v’timneh v’tifkod nefesh kol hai / counting and numbering every living thing

God is counting. I hope God is better at math than I am. Am I a number in God’s head? God does not have a head. But God counts. I am a number. We are all numbers. There are what—600 people in this room and we all have a number? What is my number? God has my number!  Oh yea, God has my number. When I can’t figure out who I am, God can, because God has my number. What number am I? What number do I want to be? Suppose I am a huge number like somewhere between five and six billion. Maybe God uses exponents to count us. Maybe God raises us to some power of 10. God counts us to raise us to a power. Gog makes us powerful. We’re going to have brisket for lunch. Why am I thinking of brisket? Lose the brisket. Thin power.

v’tahtokh kitzvah l’khol beriyah / regarding  the soul of every living thing

Every living thing has a soul. Even sheep. There are many souls surrounding me. We are spirits, in the material world. That’s a line from the Police. I wonder if God likes the Police. Spiritus Mundi. God speaks Latin. God speaks every language in the universe (universes?). But spiritus mundi (translation: Spirit of the World) sounds like one spirit, but we are all unique spirits, or maybe we are none of us unique spirits. Maybe that’s why we are all sheep, not in gutlessness but in a shared common spirit. All of our spirits comingle in this room. We sometimes do not understand each other, but our spirits understand one another perfectly. Our spirits and God speak one language.

v’tikhtov et gizrei dinam / writing down their verdict (for the New year).

Oh Lord, the verdict. Guilty or not guilty. Are there only two verdicts? Usually there are only two verdicts. Maybe in God’s head there are more than two verdicts. Maybe in God’s head there a billion verdicts or eight billion verdicts? Do each of us get out own verdict? What is my verdict? What verdict do I deserve? Do I deserve to live another year? I think so. Wait…what does God owe me? What does God owe any of us? God doesn’t owe us anything. Am I prepared to die? Am I prepared to live? I’d like to live another year. I’d like that to be part of my verdict. I want God to raise me to some power of ten.

B’rosh Hashanah yikateivun / On Rosh Hashanah it is written

God—it’s Yontiff. You shouldn’t be writing anything. Does God abide by Halakhah? I love this tune. So is God above the law? Is the president above the law? No. Then God is not above the law. Wait…a president is not God and God is not a president. Halakhah is the way we relate to God, not the way God relates to us. Okay, God, You can write on Yontiff. I love this tune. God loves this melody. Can God sing and write simultaneously? Yes. New definition of God: One who can sing, write, play the pipe, pet a dog and look lovingly at eight billion people simultaneously, while lying on a cloud. What a ridiculous definition! What a marvelous definition. Will I share that with my colleagues? No. Why? Is it the gutlessness?

uv’yom tzom kipur yeihateimun / and on Yom Kippur sealed…

Ten more days until Yom Kippur. So much to do in ten days. I don’t have my Yom Kippur sermon written. I don’t have to worry about that today because on Rosh Hashanah, I can’t write. Only God writes today. I can sing, sing this melody, sing with God. God—let’s harmonize. Wait. What needs to be done in ten days? Lots. That’s my deadline. Don’t say deadline. I’ve never liked that word.

kama ya’avorun v’khama yibareiun /how many shall pass and how many will be born?

Death and birth, both beyond human understanding. I don’t want to do any funerals this year. I will do funerals this year. There has never been a year since 1981 when I have not done multiple funerals. That’s a lot of funerals. But I have done many baby namings since 1981. I have done more funerals than baby namings. I like the baby namings. I like the funerals. Is that true—I like funerals? If I can bring comfort to people than that is satisfying. Will the Jewish people live this year or die? That’s my business. I have to make sure that the Jewish people live this year. And not die. Really—is that all on me? It’s on all of us. We all have to do more baby naming. We’ll have to get rid of this damned Covid-19. Did I just say “damned” in a prayer? Is that a sin counted against me? No, because God looks caringly at us all. God is my, our shepherd.

A final thought on thinking about prayer: I probably cut out more extraneous thoughts than I should have, but this exercise is already a bit too long. Nonetheless, I want to let you know about what happens in my head during prayer, if it in anyway helps your head during your prayer. After all, two heads are better than one, and if two are better than one, I wonder how much better 600 heads might be.

L’shanah Tovah Tikateivu—May we all be written and sealed into the Book of a Purposeful, Healthy, Fulfilling and Prayerful Life.